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NERVOSA:
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ANOREXIA: THE JOURNEY the world is big and empty with tentacles and a Mouth the world is in my body, I’ll tear the world out the mouth yawns Open, the mouth never sleeps the mouth Never closes, so I pull out its teeth i am lost inside the mouth i am lost the world is big and barren mostly dying, Mostly withered away yet with enough machines, it Operates beeps and buzzes, archs its treads spreads its legs for me, tilts back its head the thing twists its coils, grinds at the Guts tightens up around me, forces my heart shut i am crushed between the teeth crushed between the teeth I will be remembered I will be forgotten I will be revered I will be misplaced I will crush the world’s head I will drink its urine I will be honored I will be disgraced THE VULTURE I keep clawing at my ears and they keep ringing I keep filling them with dirt and still they go on singing Where are you going where have you been The voice, it wants to leap from me or take me from within But I am not a robot and I am not a slave I will not lick the feet of it that begs me to behave I wrap the sound in silence until it cannot breathe And trade the singing in for something horrible that suits me Because I am my own, because I will decide To pry apart the hinges that keep me blank and waiting on the outside It’s easy to hear this voice It’s easy to turn it off Its easy to make this choice Its easy to turn yourself off I am becoming something that I need to be To bury this ringing in something deep and dark inside me And in its place a hear a whisper Powerful and new Singing sweetly in my ear “do whatever you want to” THE SKY In the beginning there way black, and now there’s me I bend the neck until it cracks and suck the open bleed I rise up above the spit with talons brightly bared And hew the children into two I simply do not care I am Open up now world, I have arrived and now you crack I will break my knuckles, split your teeth and crush the ugly rats Lay before me world, I will not hide within your womb I peel my bones against your rocks and seal them in your tomb My ears are popping Close your mouth, I know the way Whisper to me children be still and watch me fade away I drench the dirt with my spit you swim in its river The way out is up I watch you shiver I am the arctic fingers wrapping round your neck There is nothing to stop me now no fear and no regret THE SKY (ALPHA) I remember you. When I am wrapped in darkness, When the world closes her eyes, I remember you. I think of resting with you, When you finally go to sleep, Meet me in the closet of my heart So that you may lay at my feet. “Who is this?” they said to me that the wind and waves obey come, let’s hang him on a tree that his reign should pass away but here I am I say to you though you turn away, it is my will to love you for forveremore peace be still, peace be still I ache for you, When my body cracks and I sigh When I am wrapped in darkness, When the world closes her eyes. I think of you, When I breath, when I rise and I bow When time passes and when she stands still Then, there, here, now. THE DIRT how long does it take to grow a new head and watch the old husk wither and fall? I am molting and leaving the powerless shell A great becoming offers me her all When I rise I crush you beneath my feet Disappearing, vanishing into me I watch the world become a speck as I ascend on high And leaving me is everything that crawls beneath a yawning sky All that you ever were was never anything Some of us will hatch and grow Some are not worth remembering THE PIG Whisper something to me so I can hear your voice I’m pushing you away, my will be done, it is my choice You sing to me in inky black with tendrils flailing wildly Yet I remain in solid stone, no force on earth will move me Why does it seem that everything is slipping further from me? I build and build and reaching up my arms can not reach anything Give me something, anything Why is it bleak and barren Don’t I deserve the world after building building building? You dangle happiness before me yet keep it out of reach My well is dry and still I try to fill it up I seek and seek and seek Nothing lasts expcept the empty swallowing my soul But I will rise above this world and I will fill my holes My heart and soul belong to me, I am my own My own my own I am a fire I eat the world and defecate the shell THE GOAT i remember everything, to be what I’ve become a willingness for anything that can and must be done I remember writhing in the womb Wrapped up in viscous gloom My will is calling out like a sweeping plague Swallowing the mountains and the deserts and the rain I remember thinking once that love could never die But love is small and very frail and can’t be kept alive Unless you love the one for whom roars this internal din The love that devours everything The love of self burns within My will is calling out like a sweeping plague Swallowing the mountains and the deserts and the rain Raping what is left of you, two flesh becoming one My will is everywhere, my will be done My will is everything, my will be done THE DEATH When I was a baby I could close the world up in fleshy pink mits Now the world flays the infant palms and the bones drip out in its spit When I was small I reached up high and grasped the morning star Now the wormwood topples down on me and smashes all my parts When I was a child my bones spread out like peacock feathers alive now the feathers wilt like cancerous boils leaving sagging pores in my hide When I was of age I saw a gate so wide and a path so broad for the taking But the road to everything led to a cliff where I sprawled out naked and aching Now that I’m old I see the light and I see it was never there Everything leads to nothing nowhere and I don’t even care THE END Where is the light that I thought I was promised Where is the truth, and the hope and the way I’ve lost my footing, my spine, my eyes Everything keeps slipping away Where is the storybook ending The love, the joy, the laughter Is all there is just nothing at all Is there anything that matters Is this all we get for our lives? And after everything, why is it still so lonely So blank, so dry, so numb Are we just brought up to crack and bleed out Unravel, coming undone Is this all we get? THE END (OMEGA) Father hear my voice, be it small. Here I am, though I am nothing at all. Doth thou still see somehting to love in me? If it be, carry me away, that I might live today.
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